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the shadow proves the sunshine

January 3, 2017

 

 

the deepest 

darkest

parts of yourself

 

the parts of yourself that you don’t just hide from OTHERS

 

but you hide from YOURSELF.

 

 

the first hidden thought creeped into your head when you were just a girl.  

innocent.  

naive.

 

you didn’t know what to do with it.

you didn’t know how to COPE with the pain of it...

 

 

so.  you put it away for safekeeping, stored it in a box.

 

what you’ve forgotten is that you hid that box

INSIDE OF YOURSELF.

 

and so there it lives.

lurking...

seeping through the cracks in the box.

having its say in every aspect of you life

 

its voice its louder than you may even know

 

but… then again.

 

YOU KNOW.

you feel it.  

 

deep in your core….

the pain your soul carries

 

memories.  your body knows them well. 

 

the truth bubbles up from time to time

but you run away when you start to feel the pain it brings.

 

BUT YOU CAN’T RUN FROM YOURSELF FOREVER

 

 

the pain is in you and there is no escaping it.

you are creating it

you are letting it grow

by not looking at the pain directly.  acknowledging it’s presence.  giving it a name...

 

your SHADOW. 

 

the parts of you that scream in the night

 

your fear.

 

you may have carried it with you for lifetimes. letting it fester.  its ugly, its gross….

 

its dark.

 

 

BUT

the dark cannot exist with out the light.

 

the light cannot exist with out the dark

 

WE HAVE BOTH.

 

it only takes one little light to crack open that box…. and reveal all the darkness.

 

it can’t hide out in its dark room anymore. 

 

LIGHT THAT SHIT UP

GET BRUTALLY HONEST

 

FOR ME ITS...

 

self disgust.

 

pure, self. loathing.  everything about my humanness

 

this body, these feelings…. the way my body does things with out my control… how it grows…. how it feels, it looks

 

disgust with my ancestry.  

 

I’ve felt persecuted from the start. 

 

I’m starting to remember why

 

the pain of the women before me, my blood. 

we’ve been silenced

 

we’ve been scared to come out of hiding

 

because we’ve fought for ourselves before

 

and been KILLED for it 

tortured

 

i feel mama earth’s cry.  HEAL ME

FREE ME

 

they ABUSE ME

 

i feel it deep in my bones.  I AM a PART of it.

 

ANGER.  disgust

 

hatred that stems not from myself

 

so much as it is fear

 

that if i speak up

 

if i truly BE here

 

they will kill me again

the will wound me

 

 

TODAY

 

today is a new day

 

its safe here….

but still.

 

i recognize, i admit.

YES.

 

that voice… the shadow, the gunk… its still there.

 

and 

 

its scared of the greatness that I AM without it. 

 

i refuse to be at war with myself. 

 

its not about RELEASING so much as it is…. ACKNOWLEDGING.  

 

loving the shadow. the shadow cannot fight with love.

nothing can fight with love.  

 

true, deep love.  even for the darkness.  

divine love.

 

so much greater than my humanness.  

 

the divine love that dances and sings through all of creation

 

the love that whispers quietly into my heart.

 

HEY BABE

 

you’re alright 

 

WE GOT THIS

 

sometimes the love gets ANGRY

 

it ROARS

 

when it sees my shadow winning

 

the wind gets loud.

 

 

until it knocks that beast back into its place 

 

 

the thing about it tho…. 

 

IF THERE WAS NO DARKNESS

 

WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF THE LIGHT

 

this

 

is why the shadow proves the sunshine.

 

❤️

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