parts of yourself
the parts of yourself that you don’t just hide from OTHERS
but you hide from YOURSELF.
the first hidden thought creeped into your head when you were just a girl.
you didn’t know what to do with it.
you didn’t know how to COPE with the pain of it...
so. you put it away for safekeeping, stored it in a box.
what you’ve forgotten is that you hid that box
INSIDE OF YOURSELF.
and so there it lives.
seeping through the cracks in the box.
having its say in every aspect of you life
its voice its louder than you may even know
but… then again.
you feel it.
deep in your core….
the pain your soul carries
memories. your body knows them well.
the truth bubbles up from time to time
but you run away when you start to feel the pain it brings.
BUT YOU CAN’T RUN FROM YOURSELF FOREVER
the pain is in you and there is no escaping it.
you are creating it
you are letting it grow
by not looking at the pain directly. acknowledging it’s presence. giving it a name...
the parts of you that scream in the night
you may have carried it with you for lifetimes. letting it fester. its ugly, its gross….
the dark cannot exist with out the light.
the light cannot exist with out the dark
WE HAVE BOTH.
it only takes one little light to crack open that box…. and reveal all the darkness.
it can’t hide out in its dark room anymore.
LIGHT THAT SHIT UP
GET BRUTALLY HONEST
FOR ME ITS...
pure, self. loathing. everything about my humanness
this body, these feelings…. the way my body does things with out my control… how it grows…. how it feels, it looks
disgust with my ancestry.
I’ve felt persecuted from the start.
I’m starting to remember why
the pain of the women before me, my blood.
we’ve been silenced
we’ve been scared to come out of hiding
because we’ve fought for ourselves before
and been KILLED for it
i feel mama earth’s cry. HEAL ME
they ABUSE ME
i feel it deep in my bones. I AM a PART of it.
hatred that stems not from myself
so much as it is fear
that if i speak up
if i truly BE here
they will kill me again
the will wound me
today is a new day
its safe here….
i recognize, i admit.
that voice… the shadow, the gunk… its still there.
its scared of the greatness that I AM without it.
i refuse to be at war with myself.
its not about RELEASING so much as it is…. ACKNOWLEDGING.
loving the shadow. the shadow cannot fight with love.
nothing can fight with love.
true, deep love. even for the darkness.
so much greater than my humanness.
the divine love that dances and sings through all of creation
the love that whispers quietly into my heart.
WE GOT THIS
sometimes the love gets ANGRY
when it sees my shadow winning
the wind gets loud.
until it knocks that beast back into its place
the thing about it tho….
IF THERE WAS NO DARKNESS
WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF THE LIGHT
is why the shadow proves the sunshine.