i had the flu on friday
like, death, can’t move, everything hurts, i wanna throw up and pass out kind of gnarly freaking flu
being sick on vacation, away from the comfort of your own couch and safety net of close friends and family to nurse you freaking sucks
no one to get up and grab the water and nyquil… to change the TV channel or make you chicken soup
thankfully, however i made it through. i didn’t pass out and die like i thought i might... after popping 6 advil and sleeping for 7 hours, followed by an all day netflix binge (i watched all four episodes of the “Gilmore Girls” reunion show and am still feeling nostalgic) i feel a lot better
…being sick is weird, its like floating away into your own dimension of sick world… the body can’t do anything, but the spirit is still active and in semi-dream land
i totally forgot i was on an island for a few days (other than the moments i was longing for my mama of course)... forgot that i was surrounded by a jungle and then an ocean and then a whole lot of tan people and sunburnt tourists
it was just me, the bed, the sound of the roosters, and the occasional trip to the fridge when my appetite came back. (which is funny, , i was craving noodles with butter and parmesan cheese… a food i can’t even REMEMBER the last time i really ate. its just what mama used to make when i was sick when i was little, i was craving the nurturing aspect of it... and probably the straight up carbs after my body burned away its reserves to kill the damn viral invasion)
in illness, there is this beautiful space for the subconscious to drift, for the spirit to wander
and for that which is truly important to become illuminated
coming back to reality is just like…. stepping back into the movie-screen of your own life a bit. its comforting… the routine. the waking up, drinking coffee, off to work.. or in my case yoga, the beach and kombucha bar. (i know its rough)
the simpleness of life becomes so appreciated.
yesterday, the first day i really felt up to physical activity of any type, i decided to go for a little walk up in Kula, which is a little village up on the slopes of Haleakala, overlooking the middle of the island where you can see the Maui’s “waist,” its skinny part where both sides of the ocean are visible from that high up
honestly, this road, where the countryside is apparently owned by Oprah… is probably one of my favorite spots on the island so far. you don’t feel like you are in Hawaii… it looks like a picture from Ireland or some kind of Scottish countryside. everything is so green and alive I almost feel like I’m vibrating with fairy power when i walk there. and then of course you look closer and realize you’re surrounded avocado trees and guava, right next to cacti growing randomly where seeds must of fallen from some sort import
as i walked the road and let my blood start moving again, my reflective karly-internal-narrator-voice turned on. GOD. how perfect, to just be up somewhat early on a beautiful sunday morning, walking alone on the side of a volcano. looking at the ocean and trees and waving hi to the other walkers on the road.
the only thing missing… someone really dear to my heart by my side.
this is NOT to say that i don’t value my alone time, cus trust me, its one of my favorite things. to be honest, i’d rather be alone than with 95% of the people on this planet that i’ve ever known
no offense guys, but i like to keep it close.
in reality…. i just don’t NEED that much.
i don’t need much to make me happy
i don’t need a huge circle of friends to attend to or socialize with always
i don’t need expensive clothes or shoes or a car or whatever
… granted, i do like to splurge on new leather fringe-y bags and crystal shit every once in a while. (not that i didn't do that today no way ;-P )
but even then
keeping it close
keeping it simple
is truly, divine.
i took so much joy yesterday in picking up purple okinawa potatoes and avocados at the farm stand to eat that night, doing yoga on the patio, walking to my local 'sober-kidz club’ meeting and staring at the dark new-moon sky and stars
staring at the intricately spun spider webs that span from the edge of the fence to the pots filled with tiny purple flowers and fresh smelling herbs
thinking about how one day all i want is a garden, some cats, and my two best friends nearby to gossip about whatever is happening on that one cool show that we all watch. maybe a place to paint and meditate and read a book. some kind of spiritual community to go hang out with when i’m bored of myself….
maybe a husband and some kids, but eh. we’ll see 😉
i used to have this INTENSE fire, passion, inside of my to freaking CHANGE THE WORLD and set things straight and be rebellious and different, to wake people up and heal heal heal
and i don’t think its died, i don’t think it ever will
the fire has just figured out what’s most important to burn
…and that is the candle that fuels love for the present moment
the dance with the divine that is RIGHT in front of all of us
INSIDE all of us
the sacred is the ability to taste, see, hear, smell, feel, experience all that is life.
the simplest of moments
honoring the sacred means honoring
all that is
the people you are blessed to share the journey with
the spaces in between
the experience of illness to remind you that a healthy body is a blessing to be cherished
the experience of poverty to remind you that abundance is found in many forms
the experience of your own imperfections to remind you that we are all the same
in this together
and what a lovely, profoundly simple
experience it is.